just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
