ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
