At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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