when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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