Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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