my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
