i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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