She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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