Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
