I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize