The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm too high and old for this...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
