I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
