that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
