doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
