it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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