White coat. Heels.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
