dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
