words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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