drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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