this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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