Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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