I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
