is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
