Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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