so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
