your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
