The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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