I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
