Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You are a genius and a whore.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
