If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We left the knife in your bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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