First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you will always have a special place in my vag
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
