oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
