if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
