My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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