I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
two words: eviction party
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
