I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We got so high we made milksteak
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
