i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
