Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
