Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
