If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
