I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
