you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize