i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
