vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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