what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
