I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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