I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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