Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
