it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
