You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
