Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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