just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
