Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
