I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
