i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
