Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
