Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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