Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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