if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
