Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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