It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
