i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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