I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
