Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
