I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
