some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
