you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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